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Thursday, May 19, 2005

 

Conversations with Scotty Y

Below is an except from a conversation I recently had with my brother:

Scotty Y (S) - Tell mom to pick me up a stryofoam cooler on her way home.
Mike Y (M) - Why?
S - Im going camping tommorow
M - Sweet. Where at?
S - Indian Lake. Its in the Aidorondacks.
M - Do you have a cabin up there?
S - Its actually about a three hour car ride. Then me and 10 of my buddies are taking a two hour canoe trip down a river to an island thats in the middle of the lake
M - (laughter)
S - Shutup
M - Im guessing girls arent tagging along
S - Bitches suck at camping

Friday, May 06, 2005

 

Ask Min Jung; Classmate, Creative Writer, Asian

Dear Min Jung,
As a graduating senior, I am more than a little nervous about entering the workforce, not to mention acting like an adult. I have yet to receive a job offer, and although I feel I am qualified for a variety of positions, I am a horrible interviewer. Do you have any tips that could help me in this way?

Sincerely,
Nervous in Los Angeles

Dear Nervous in Los Angeles,

Nina slowly approached the glossy, red door to ring the door bell. She took two deep breaths before she forced herself to push the ringer. The main reason she felt so intimidated into stepping back into the house was because she didn’t want her right foot to melt into the floorboards again. Not after it took her sixteen years to yank it out. That was only part of the reason. The other factor that made her nervous about entering the house was because the last time Nina was in this house, she left in a storm. It was the worst fight she ever had with her family, one that made it hard to ever forget.


Dear Min Jung,
Last week, I met a beautiful girl through a mutual friend. We hit it off real well, and later on that night we had unprotected sex. A few days later I noticed a small rash when on my penis, and now I have an excruciating burning sensation every time I urinate. I fear that I might have a venereal disease. Should I go see a doctor?

Sincerely,
Diseased in Minneapolis

Dear Diseased in Minneapolis,

Seth felt more like Nina’s mother, rather than an older sister. They were two years apart so their bond has always been close, despite Nina’s long leave from the house. He was born two and a half months premature, in the incubator for a month before the hospital released him. At twenty-four, he was perfectly healthy. But the premature birth left him with a learning disability and a slight speech impediment, being a constant obstacle in his schoolwork. Nina was Seth’s playmate as children, as well as his guardian, tutor, and friend. Even as little kids, she felt constantly responsible for him. Her mother always reminded her of duty as an older sister to take care of him.


Dear Min Jung,

Recently I was wearing a favorite shirt to a work related function at an expensive restaurant. They were serving a wine and cheese, at no cost, and after about my fifth glass, I made a pass at my boss, made an inappropriate racial comment and spilled the contents of my sixth glass onto my prized shirt. My question to you is, do you have any special Asian remedies to get out red wine stains? I really like this shirt and would like to wearing it again.

Sincerely,
Stained in Omaha

Dear Stained in Omaha,

Nina realized that everyone that knew their family viewed Seth as an immature person, lovable and kind, but someone who was incapable of ever thinking for himself. Everyone made decisions for him, protecting him from the real world. She never considered what it felt to be like Seth. Nina was too consumed in feeling sorry for herself. In the past, she always thought that since Seth was the element that melted her to the floorboards, by detaching herself away from was the only way towards her freedom. But now, she felt the idea was all wrong. Nina should’ve taught him how to live more independently. Just because he had a learning disability, didn’t mean he was unintelligent. It may have hindered his learning process, but nevertheless, Seth was a bright kid.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

 

Thanks for mixes

Well boys, I am about to dissappoint you. BUT...I have a valid reason that I hope will touch your hearts enough to make you forgive me. I will not be submitting a hungover mix of my own for your listening pleasure. Now for the reason...
I couldn't make the hungover mix when I was sober and not feeling like absolute shit because I wasn't in the right frame of mind. Well, today finally came the day that I am hungover. Quite frankly, making a music mix is the last thing I want to do right now. All I want to do is lay in bed, drink tea, and concentrate on keeping the massive amounts of bile I have in my stomach right where they are. Maybe hangovers resemble pot-smoking in a way. Potheads can function when they're high, but when non-potheads smoke they can't do a damn thing. Maybe I can't function on this day of recovery simply because I'm not used to the hungover feeling anymore. In fact, maybe I should just get high right now and inhale my way out of the wretched state I'm in.
I must say that I am thoroughly enjoying the hungover mixes you boys made. With your help, I shall overcome this hell. If I'm lucky (or just a normal 20 yr old woman) I will forget the misery of this day within the next week so that I can again participate in the everlasting college tradition of binge drinking.
Don't forget...new Family Guy episode today! I saw it bootleg, it's fucking funny, definetly worth watching.

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