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Wednesday, March 07, 2007

 

Everyone can relax

I just thought I would come here and make everyone formally aware that I am the father of Anna Nicole's baby. Its totally true. Just listen to my story.
It happened one Saturday night when I was bored and lonely and decided to go to Lookers. After seeing the cream of the crop from the city of Syracuse take their clothes off and shake their floppy titties at me, I was ready to go. But when the next dancer came out I was forced to get a front row seat. Out came Anna Nicole in all her before Trim-Spa glory. It seemed many of the patrons did not realize who she was so it was me getting the most attention. I was throwing wadded up dollar bills at her and she caught them between her tits. A few times when she was on the pole she pretended to be King Kong. I threw dollar airplanes at her and she crushed them out of the sky, roaring. It gave me a huge erection.
When her dance segment was over she saw me heading for the door and caught up to me. She said she was impressed with my ingenuity in giving strippers money. The airplanes she was especially fond of because nobody else ever knew she was mimicking King Kong before. I told her I would recognize that hairy back and dragging knuckles any day of the week. This made her smile and I was invited into the back beyond the velvet curtain for a free private dance. On the way back, Anna remarked that she had never seen so many one dollar bills at the same time before. I told her I was a pizza delivery man and she swooned.
Once in the back she shoved me into a chair and slammed her fat ass into my lap. She started gyrating and said "Oh baby, I didn't think you would be so big. Or have two penises." I told her I don't have two penises and what she was feeling was a king size Snickers bar. This got her really hot and she proceeded to take it from my pocket and unwrap it-using only her mouth. She put one end in my mouth and the other end in hers and before I could take one bite she finished 90% of the bar. Snickers must be like cocaine to her because she became highly aroused and energetic. Before I knew what was happening my pants were at my ankles and my cock was stuck inside her. We banged furiously and at one point I say the bouncer shake his head and say "Damn, kid musta given that bitch a Snickers!" That shit made me laugh and the ensuing convulsions made me bust all up in that. Whoops. Lets hope she's had enough abortions to fuck up her uterus.
I peeled off a few bills and tossed them on the panting Anna lying exhausted on the chair. "Here, go buy yourself some Trim-Spa or cocaine and lose some weight. Maybe you wont have a heart attack next time somebody fucks you." I made my way past the bouncer who gave me a sly smile and winked at me. "You just made her night li'l nigga." After opening the door to leave I took one last look inside and saw Anna at the vending machine. She bought a Snickers.

Well everyone, that's how it happened. I am not ashamed to let the truth be known. Yes, I had sexual intercourse with Anna Nicole Smith which resulted in pregnancy. Once the courts find out about this and the paternity test verifies it, I will be one rich motha fucka. I think. She does have Millions and Millions of dollars right? Right!? Because if she doesn't then the whole story I told you was a lie. Anna who? I'm not taking care of no broke-ass dead woman's baby.

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